Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I decided that this is a journal not a blog

Yesterday's post had me thinking more about the blog as a journal for me. Some of the comments people made gave me hope that maybe I should tell stories. They also made me think more about my childhood. I actually had a great childhood, it wasn't until me and my sister got older that life became more complicated. But doesn't that happen to everyone's family? I mean, I always meet people who have problems and always feel like it is just them. But from my experience, everybody's family has some sort of something going on and no family is ever perfect.

I was lucky. My parents did the best they could when we got older and although there were issues, I realized one day that parents are people too and they are just trying to deal with problems like any other human being. It was when I decided that my parents were not perfect that everything became clear and problems were resolved. Now I get along very well with them and it's just not the fact that they live in Costa Rica but that helps! I get along really well with my sister as well. That wasn't always the case when we were teenagers but I think all siblings go through issues. But I realized that your siblings are the only other people who actually lived through the good and bad so there are those shared experiences that others don't know about. So I am happy that me and my sister became close because I know so many people who don't even talk to their siblings and haven't for years! That is really really weird to me.

I realize that me and my sister were really lucky that we were born in the US. Remember my family is from Costa Rica and except for a few cousins and my uncle who live in the US, the rest of the family is in Costa Rica. So if we had been born there, our lives would be so different than it is now. We have had so many more opportunities in terms of being women here in the US. Most of our female cousins got married and had children at a young age. We had the choice not to do that and did. Many of them never went to college. In fact, not very many of our family ever went to college. My dad did but never finished and my mom didn't. I went to college and graduated but it wasn't until I was 26 years old that I decided to do so. And then it was hard and I worked while going to school but it was the best thing I did. And I am one of the few family members on either side of the family with a degree.

But our lives would have been very different if my parents had decided to move back. I figured if my mom hadn't married my dad and had stayed in Costa Rica, I wouldn't be me so it wouldn't matter so if they had moved back then that would have made the difference. Luckily, they didn't. It was hard for them because they worked in factories and worked really hard to make it here. They knew little English and now that I am older, I realize how hard it must have really been for them and I admire what they did because we didn't have a lot but we always had enough. We had a house and we always had food to eat and we traveled and we had everything we needed when we were little. Most of all we had a stable childhood and not a lot of traumas. As I got older, I realized that most of the people I know who have a lot of problems and issues now as adults didn't have that stability when they were children so I thank my parents for that.

I really wish I could remember every detail of my childhood. I only know that it was good and I loved it. We had a pretty good life back then. I have certain very strong memories and then some random vague dreamy ones. Some of the memories are stories that the family retells over and over and over and over again. Somehow the impression is that I was a little bully when I was little but I totally deny that. I am lucky I have the family album. A lot of those pictures always trigger memories of that day long forgotten. Maybe I will go through it again and write down some of those memories here. Since I decided that this will be my very public journal.


  1. its funny to think about the things you do and dont remember, that others remember. I keep thinking there has to be a rhyme and reason to our memories...

  2. one thing i like aobut seeing my siblings now is that they remind me of stuff from our childhoods i've forgotten. i see that happening with my own kids too. i realize why its important for brothers and sisters to be close.

  3. a blog is a great place to share your heart - you will find that so many people can/will relate :)