Monday, October 14, 2013

I'm not going to lie, last week sucked!

Last week sucked the biggest, hairiest balls ever. I am glad it's over but I know I will be grieving for some time. It took me a few months before I stopped crying for Shawn. And, I will be doing the same with Scout.

The house is awfully lonely right now. For the past few months, I spent most of my days alone with Scout and she was a good companion. I knew on Monday that something had changed with Scout. I think she was over it. She was getting fluids twice a week and not eating as she had been.

Tom had actually left for Cleveland that morning and when I spoke to him that night I told him I was worried. The next day, I took Scout to the vet and told them I didn't think it was long before she was gone. That Tuesday, I made her chicken and tried various different food but she wouldn't eat. I was worried.

Wednesday, I got very worried and tried to spend as much time with her as I could. I think she had a good last day. I put her outside on our front porch where she rested. Sometime during that day, I saw she was gone from her chair and found her outside by the pond in the back sunning herself and sitting on the edge by the cool water. I wish I had taken some photos of her but I didn't want to bother her with my nonsense.

She did not eat that day. She had some chicken broth and that was it. When Tom got home in the evening, we saw that she had gone out into the front yard and spent time sitting in the grass and enjoying the sun and the cool air. At night she came and sat in the kitchen and watched me cook. She also came inside earlier than she would have. She still did not eat.

We talked and decided that the next morning Tom would all the vet and make the appointment to put her down on Friday. We knew it was time and could not wait any longer. At night, we put her in the sun room, which became her room at the end. Before I went to bed, I stopped by and gave her a kiss and rubbed her. I also told her if she wanted to leave that it was okay to do so. I knew she was tired and would not last long.

That night, I didn't sleep that well. I had weird dreams. In the morning, I heard Tom get up to make coffee. I knew the next thing he would do is feed Scout. For some reason, I felt compelled to go to her room before I went to the kitchen. Then I saw her through the french doors. She was lying in her chair, not moving. I knew she was dead that very second I saw her. I called out to Tom, then started sobbing.

I won't lie to you, I was relieved she had decided to let go. It was purely selfish because I knew that I wouldn't have to take her to the vet and watch her die as we had done with Shawn. That was horrifying. This was better and she died peacefully at home.

But it's tough. I find myself looking out the kitchen pass through to the chair where she spent most of her days outdoors. I find myself looking at the sun room waiting to see her on her chair. I wait for her little paws making noise on the hardwood floors but it doesn't happen.


  1. I'm so sorry. She certainly was a beautiful cat. Wish there were words to make this easier :(

  2. I have been crying for you and your kitty. The twins told me to tell you how sorry they are as they have seen how unhappy I was after Koko died. They saw me this last week and asked - "sad about Cozy again ? (That was my nickname for her) and I told them about your girl. My daughter said "those Torties just steal your heart, don't they?" Amen sister! Take care Amiga!