Monday, December 15, 2014

I live in a Remote Hell

No, Wilmington is not hell but our house has become a hell filled with remotes. TV remotes.

The insidiousness of the remote controls taking over our house is almost too much to bear. When it is my turn to watch a movie or use the Roku, I break in a cold sweat.  My palms get sweaty and I get twitchy. I have to breathe deeply before I can even try and set anything up.

We have always had a ton of remotes because we have no clue how to program them. You can program the remotes to do one thing or to handle the all the tasks but we don't know how to do this. At our last house we had 4. One for the Directv box. One for the TV and one for the sound and one for the DVD player. It was a pain in the but but we got along.

When we moved here, we decided to get free of remotes and boxes. Watching those Directv ads where you can go wireless sounded like Nirvana to us. We wanted to so be on board with that. We checked out the program and realized that we also had to get the DVR feature to go wireless. I was thrilled because I was going wireless and getting the DVR. We were finally in the 21st century. Of course, it costs more money to go wireless.

We set up the appointment with Directv and waited. I waited the Directv guy to get us all set up. I figured we would still have the TV remote but, maybe, the Directv guy would be able to make it that everything ran through the Directv remote. I was excited. I was giddy!

He came and he poked and prodded at our TV. He went outside, He had to bury the cable to set up the satellite. He set up the other TV's in the house. We have 3. One in the living room, master bedroom and the guest room. I was so excited until we realized that the Directv guy was not the savior we thought him to be.

He couldn't fix our problem. Our sound system could not be run through the TV set up and that meant we still had to have the sound remote. Same with the DVD player. So the Directv guy was a complete bust. Oh he was nice enough but still left us in limbo.

Right now, we still have 2 remotes in the Master Bedroom. One for the TV and one for the Directv. This is the only TV though that can use both remotes as the volume control. Same goes with the guest room except I have 3 remotes there because we also have a DVD player that I use for my exercise tapes.

Our living room is the most hellish of all. We have a remote for the Directv. Well, actually we have 2 because the Directv guy gave us a new one and we still had the old one. So now we have matching his and her remotes. How sad is that? Although it is fun because I can change whatever nonsense Tom is watching when I want. But then he can do the same to me.

Then we have the TV remote. Then we have the sound remote. Then we have the Blu-ray player remote. And lastly, we have the Roku remote. And we are not wireless at all.

If I want to turn on the TV, that takes 3 remotes. I have to turn on the TV. Turn on the Directv and then use the one remote to control the volume. If I want to watch a DVD that is one more remote. If I want to use the Roku, that takes 4 remotes, a PhD in computer science and my first born. It is frightening. There are times I just stare down at all the remotes and cry. I bawl. Then I curl up in a fetal position on the rug until I gain my composure.

Of course, all the remotes are black which make it hard to distinguish them all. Luckily, the Directv remote is white so I can figure that one out real fast.

But, I am not sure how we got here but we are here. I guess technology does not make it easier but, in our case, more difficult. But it is always better to have a zillion remotes than to have to get up and turn the channels. Remember that?

I really think Directv owes us an apology because we are not wireless. All the boxes have wires. All the wires have wires. They totally mislead us. Luckily, we did get DVR which is a godsend for avid TV watchers like us. But the price we pay for is a heavy price. It costs me my sanity. And sometimes, I dream of chucking it all and then I laugh because that is ridiculous. How can you not have TV, right? So we will continue paying the price to have access to Netflix, Satellite,  Roku and all that other jazz.


  1. I feel your pain. For some reason, in the master bedroom alone, we have: television remote, cable box remote, dvd player remote, blu ray player remote (yes, two dvds because of a really good sane reason which I can not remember any longer) a roku remote, and an apple tv remote.

    Don't even get me started on the five other bedrooms, especially the ones belonging to boys - or the basement television and projector / sound system setup. The whole thing is a nightmare! I don't even try to watch anything down there, ever.

  2. I know what you are taling about. I have too many remotes also! It can be awful remembering which one does what. I knew Direct TV was not going to be better.I have been harassed by Direct TV. Right now I am staying with cable. I can set my price to what I want. Sorry to hear that you still have all the remotes.

  3. My biggest problem is my kids break all of mine. It's hard to find some that work for the broken models.